((Cuntz)) Band Profile and Upcoming Los Angeles Concerts - Oh My Rockness

Written by Patrick McNamara

If a music writer spends any more than one sentence on a band’s “name” and what it “means” - please recognize this - they’ve got nothing and they’re just killing time (same goes for describing in detail an album’s “cover art”.....and perhaps laziest of them all, exploring the band’s “lyrical content”). I bring this up because I’m about to talk about this band called Cuntz.

(jk about the “lyrical content” one, guys. haha! jk!)

Melbourne’s Cuntz... well, Footscray’s Cuntz (which I just learned is a suburb some 5 km west of Melbourne - after doing intensive research that included clicking “About” on Cuntz’ Facebook page - sorry if this is common knowledge to the more geographically savvy Rockness readers - don’t you judge me - it’s the other side of the WORLD, dude) are a good punker garage rocker band that go all riffy and shouty and dark and brutally angry* and, well, you know the stuff I mean. The stuff that dreams are made of.

(*hell, maybe Cuntz are happy when they’re shouting songs about hammers and dogs and maggots... there is a fine line with these things.)

But what makes Cuntz special and worth checking out (and worth doing intensive research for - such as my typing “where’s Footscray?”) is that Cuntz rock some pretty guitar melodies over all this noise, too. Sure, the prettiness may be buried under stacks of aggression and dark, distorted swirls of disorder. But those pretty guitar melodies are in there, man. They’re in there.

As of this writing (October 1st, 2013 A.D. - and shortly before I took a shower) Cuntz have been touring this side of the world (they also just played Gonerfest - a perfect pairing for that scene) and punking things up and probably marvelling at the little differences between the Northern and Southern Hemispheres... like how our toilets flush in the opposite direction.*

(*totally not true - legend - fable - myth - a goddamn lie - drains don’t flush in different directions based on the hemisphere your toilet is in - my exhaustive fact checking for this band profile told me so - which included/encompassed quickly skimming a Huffington Post article.)

Anyway, you can stream Cuntz’ new album below. It’s called “Solid Mates.” And I think you’ll like it. If you like good punker garage rocker stuff. And if you don’t? Well, you’ve stopped reading this thing long ago - probably after the first sentence.

Oh yeah, that faux spontaneous segue reminds me! I almost forgot to use my one allotted sentence about Cuntz’ name. Better do that now!

Cuntz are Cunts, but just swapped out a “z” for the “s” - not to take the piss out of a loaded word - but probably just to be more search engine friendly - and that’s perhaps the most punker garage rocker move of them all.

Published October 1, 2013



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